io_uring: clean R_DISABLED startup mess

There are enough of problems with IORING_SETUP_R_DISABLED, including the
burden of checking and kicking off the SQO task all over the codebase --
for exit/cancel/etc.

Rework it, always start the thread but don't do submit unless the flag
is gone, that's much easier.

Signed-off-by: Pavel Begunkov <asml.silence@gmail.com>
Signed-off-by: Jens Axboe <axboe@kernel.dk>